As I get ready for tomorrow’s alternative classical music event (with everyone encouraged to move and respond audibly and non-traditional times), there is some trepidation. I’m a worrier, so I worry about almost everything, anyway. And this is different enough from anything I’ve done before that it is definitely out of my confort zone. (Most of what follows below is from an email I sent to Greg Sandow
, who is being wonderfully supportive of this experiment,)
Yes, there’s a very slight concern about peer disapproval, but that doesn’t feel significant (one of the upsides of being an out gay man is being comfortable with the disapproval of traditionalists). I am more worried that some people who are used to classical concerts, who like having the silence while they listen, etc., may be distracted and bothered. That for them, whatever moving, clapping, and other visual or audible expressions may occur will be distracting and take away from the experience. The feeling that some of my long-time local fans (for lack of a better word) may be uncomfortable at this concert is feeding a new (although mild) anxiety.
I’m more worried that nothing unusual will happen! Or that the audience may be too noisy, or the moving, if it does happen, may include young people with nervous energy doing silly stuff that wont be stemming from the music itself but from adolescent silliness.
So I keep reminding myself that it’s an experiment, that I can draw on all my Zen, meditation, and New-Agey experiences to let go of attachment to any particular result and embrace and include whatever happens, and that I use my workshop-facilitator skills to create the appropriate atmosphere and encourage the kind of involvement I’d like to see. But I know that whatever happens is unlikely to be exactly what I imagine, and the control freak in me is freaking out!
More than anything, though, I think it will be a fun adventure.